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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsI lost my best friend this week
The subject of this old thread.
[link:https://www.democraticunderground.com/10026975514#post20|
We were friends for about 45 years and there is no one else who influenced me as much as she did. My taste in music, my attitudes about life and volunteerism, and even the way I dress! She was my mentor when we were 13. My teenage life would have been sad and boring if not for her. She had such a wonderful sense of fun, which she never lost as we got older.
Except . . . she had gotten friendly with a guy from our high school days who was a rabid racist. She had never married and she saw him as her last chance. He poisoned her . . .
She turned into someone I didn't recognize. A Fredo loving confederate flag waving racist nut.
We last argued over Sally Yates and she unfriended me on FB.
Monday she was hospitalized for complications of diabetes and the flu. She's gone now.
I never loved her any less for all her awful racist rants because how could I stop loving someone who gave me my life when we were teenagers?
She was dead wrong, but now she's just dead.
This is our country now. Best friends pitted against each other, family pitted against each other, hatred tearing apart everything we hold dear about our country and what it stands for.
I want to know how we will all heal from this monstrosity Trump has created. How can we just ignore the 35% of this country who still think Fredo is good for the country? W've gone back to 1977 or even decades earlier.
Me.
(35,454 posts)So very sorry.
coeur_de_lion
(3,687 posts)Are my oldest DU friends. Thanks Me.
Eliot Rosewater
(31,131 posts)I went thru this BEFORE rump.
Somehow two rabidly LIBERAL people became billo fans who were so racist it was real real ugly.
I was in shock when I found out...havent spoken since.
lpbk2713
(42,770 posts)What adds to the tragedy of a loss of a dear friend is that you never
got the chance to get things ironed out between the two of you.
CountAllVotes
(20,878 posts)I understand, believe me.
I had a similar friend (since age 14). We did everything together and I mean everything!
For some reason in the year 2008, she quit speaking to me.
Today she is waiting on her puke mother to kick the bucket so she can get the $ to pay off her condo in a rich man's paradise.
We have nothing in common.
In hindsight, maybe we never did.
Hang-in there and know that you are never alone!
SonofDonald
(2,050 posts)And love and support.
I lost my Father five years ago today.
We lost six close family members in seven years, all before their time, none to natural causes or old age.
Life's goes on, I've found that it's mostly the good memories that continue to come to mind.
Healing takes time love and support, spend time looking for that if possible.
CountAllVotes
(20,878 posts)coeur_de_lion
(3,687 posts)Anniversaries are so hard. I hope you find some peace today.
SonofDonald
(2,050 posts)I'm firing up my Fathers ( now mine ) 1928 Model A one ton flatbed in a bit and taking my Mother for a drive.
The last time it was driven was two weeks before my Father had a stroke that started his illness.
I drove and let him direct the trip, my Grandfather was its original owner, it had run liquor during prohibition before being sold in the late 30's, he found the truck and purchased it in 1974 and we started its restoration.
It was and is my first love even before girls.
My Mother used to drive it on back roads to go grocery shopping on Saturdays until the early 90's.
Every time I go into my shop my thoughts turn instantly to my Father because there it is still waiting.
It's taken me a week to get it up and running and ready.
And today it's going for drive again.
And Mom will smile and enjoy the afternoon, the old truck only does 35 mph downhill with a tailwind.
But it's priceless to us.
Healing comes in many forms.
spanone
(135,916 posts)struggle4progress
(118,379 posts)coeur_de_lion
(3,687 posts)My friend had the same style of singing as Joan Baez. She would've loved this.
coeur_de_lion
(3,687 posts)and everyone who might comment in the future.
These comments are the only thing that have made me feel better in the last 24 hours!
Very healing to know so many of you have the same rifts with loved ones.
CountAllVotes
(20,878 posts)It was a rapid succession. They are all gone now. To have your *best* friend dump you after it is seemingly all over is really a bit much IMO. No big loss in hindsight luckily!
I have one sibling left that I never hear from and yes, a gun humping puke.
*sigh*
We go on anyway as we must!
Take good care!
Bernardo de La Paz
(49,060 posts)Dem2
(8,168 posts)She took on the politics of the guy she is with. Even worse, she's lost interest in him but she's used to the lifestyle she has with him and won't leave now. The lies. The racist lies. They disgust me. I finally got fed up when I saw her publicly supporting Trump and told her off. As with all of these types, she unfriended me and I felt no remorse. None. I've never unfriended anybody, and I likely never will. Several Trump supporters have done so, yet I never actually noticed as in I couldn't tell you exactly when it occurred (other than this one case described here.) In every other case it's just one less annoyance in my life.
CountAllVotes
(20,878 posts)The lies are what finishes it off IMO.
I don't blame you and thanks for your post!
Often life is just plain unfair!
Dem2
(8,168 posts)She was outgoing, funny and always getting me to try new things; I wouldn't do anything differently if I had to do it all over again. Unfortunately she was willing to sell out her morals and ethics in order to move up in the world; i.e. have money. Yes I don't have as much money as I could if I was more aggressive and didn't care about how I affected other people. But I do, and I would rather be happy than wealthy.
coeur_de_lion
(3,687 posts)She always was the instigator of fun. My life would have been boring and sad without her. I wouldn't do anything differently either.
I don't feel that she went into the hate business voluntarily. This guy told her things she had always wanted to hear from a man. She wasn't after money she just wanted to be loved like everybody.
I feel like Donald Fredo Trump took my friend away.
Infected her mind like a virus.
I wonder if now that she is in heaven she can see that all the hate was a waste of time.
Mine was the same way. Real tight with the money (never never paid for anything at all). It was on me, not that I had a damned thing. I sent money when down and out, I helped when I was able to do so but I guess that wasn't good enough.
At one point I asked for a favor and was hotly declined. It was not long after that that I was kicked to the curb. It hurt yes and it will always bear a scar as I wasted a lot of time with this person that only cares about one thing, their own very selfish self.
coeur_de_lion
(3,687 posts)That is really hurtful. Betrayal hurts and is so hard to get over. I hope that in time new friends come into your life that more than fill the gap.
My friend S wasn't money hungry. Not at all.
She was hungry for love and she thought she had found it. I don't know what happened to that guy, since she cut me off I didn't know what happened in her life. On her pinterest board there are only 2 pins. Wedding gowns. Breaks my heart that she never found a lasting love. Her health took a very nasty turn after she blew me off and I'm guessing he didn't want to take on a sick woman. Or maybe he was just an asshole.
Her father died when she was very young. She spent her whole life looking for love.
She had a kind, generous heart her whole life and this guy, ruined her for me. I hope that they had some happy times together I guess it would make the heartache worth it a little.
coeur_de_lion
(3,687 posts)I just miss my friend.
lunatica
(53,410 posts)I posted about it a few days ago and was quite surprised at how many responses I got.
Posting these things in DU is very safe. DIers are amazing!
coeur_de_lion
(3,687 posts)I'm sorry about your sister and I know exactly how you feel.
magicarpet
(14,197 posts).... and cherish the positive impacts you two shared to help each other and grow while together. Those pleasantries of close human interaction will always be there for you to reflect upon with happiness and joy.
coeur_de_lion
(3,687 posts)CountAllVotes
(20,878 posts)Oh yes.
How we end up in this spot is beyond me.
It was not what I particularly wanted but that is the way it is.
Take care!
Downtown Hound
(12,618 posts)We will survive Trump. I've lost several friends over Trump. But I'm at a place in my life where I want the people I keep as friends to reflect positively on who I am as a person. Trump supporters need not apply. They're more than welcome to come back if they renounce him, but until they do, there's no room for them in my life. I don't consider either racists or those who turn a blind eye to racism because they think it will get them something (which in this case, it won't) as people I want as my friends. I want people around me to care about justice, equality, compassion, and making the world a better place. Trump voters do not fit that bill.
Remember that you are who you hang with. I am sorry for your loss and understand that you are grieving. But remember that we as a society and as a species are never going to evolve unless we truly band together and make it clear that Trump and racism are NOT things we are going to tolerate, and if you choose to support him or the racism he represents, we are not going to tolerate that either.
Racists need to understand that there will be consequences for embracing hate. Trump has made them believe it's okay to be ugly and racist again. We need to show them that they are dead wrong in that.
StevieM
(10,500 posts)We need to do something, and fast.
coeur_de_lion
(3,687 posts)And she was dead wrong but now she's just dead.
She drank from the poisoned well.
All that hate killed her.
True Blue American
(17,995 posts)My Son,at his last cook out said, NO POLITICS!
Since his Inlaws are all Republican,suited me just fine. We stay friends!
erronis
(15,403 posts)Still, I bet there were a few cliques and mutterings going on while chowing on the excellent grub.
People love to complain, love to provoke, love to find offense.
Especially if they are not open thinkers.
Like us.
True Blue American
(17,995 posts)His house and yard seems to be the center of the family, and he loves every minute of it.
His grill,his Sundeck he built himself. He took early retirement 2 years ago so he could enjoy.
It is fun to watch. Gardening, building. Weddings!
StevieM
(10,500 posts)It is sad that she did not live longer. It would have given her a chance to turn away from her dark turn before the end.
coeur_de_lion
(3,687 posts)He was the source of her dark turn and I f-ing hate him.
kimbutgar
(21,237 posts)I feel feel your pain. I also lost a friend Ive known since 1978 to Fox News during the last Bush years. She is still alive but she is so far gone in twitler world. She got caught up with a guy who was a right winger evangelical. He cheated on her and broke her heart.
RandomAccess
(5,210 posts)I'm sorry for your loss -- but joyful about the friend you had for as long as you had her.
coeur_de_lion
(3,687 posts)I never saw it put this way before but you are so right.
True Blue American
(17,995 posts)You never had the chance to make up.
I have had a best friend since I was 4, she was 6. We are closer than sisters.
We are also on the same wave length. We have helped each other through so much it would be hard to be with out her.
Think of all the good things you shared. Politics is tearing apart families, friends all over.
coeur_de_lion
(3,687 posts)she turned racist on me.
I was as surprised as you might be to learn that your bestie turned hateful.
I just don't get it.
True Blue American
(17,995 posts)That makes your loss so much worse. That is why I would like for you to concentrate on the good times you had.
Healing helps, but your loss never goes away. Try for any comfort you can find.
I understand. Try and make something good come out of the bad if you can.
coeur_de_lion
(3,687 posts)To somehow turn this into a positive.
Just haven't figured out how yet.
True Blue American
(17,995 posts)Involve yourself in a Church, if you like, volunteer. The Y for exercise. You would be surprised just how many people need a good friend
Above all try to make new friends. I do this in times of great loss. Talk to people.
Post more! joking, but everything helps.
coeur_de_lion
(3,687 posts)I just looked at my my post count and it is ridiculously low for someone on DU for 14 years.
I know H2O real well and Me. I remember some folks from the old days in 2004 but I don't think they remember me.
I live in a small town and I have loads of friends. Loads of cousins.
But some of them are republicans! The cousins. My friends are all sensible.
Hekate
(90,931 posts)If there is an afterlife, may the self-inflicted wounds to her own soul be healed.
coeur_de_lion
(3,687 posts)otherwise she's going to the other place!
I like to think that when you die there is only love and all the anger falls away.
Stuart G
(38,454 posts)coeur_de_lion
(3,687 posts)vercetti2021
(10,156 posts)I know how that feels losing a friend... but never could imagine losing a friend over that disgusting shit for brains in office.
And I hate to say it but maybe we are better off without people like that in our lives. True friendship stays together, it doesn't shatter over political views or differences in opinion.
coeur_de_lion
(3,687 posts)I was better off without her as long as she was infected with hate.
Emotionally I just miss my buddy.
vercetti2021
(10,156 posts)coeur_de_lion
(3,687 posts)Perfect for how I feel today thank you.
vercetti2021
(10,156 posts)I love this movie. Just remember the good, not what they become later. I truly believe people lose their way down the road in life sometimes.
I lost friends close to me because of change. Either within myself or others. But you try your best to keep the friendship intact. You did your best.
coeur_de_lion
(3,687 posts)Upthevibe
(8,092 posts)Most of my childhood friends (in Texas where I was born and raised) are Repugs. who voted for dt (this is how I refer to him - I won't write, type or say his name-under most circumstances- occasionally I'm forced to). I moved out here to California 30 years ago and most of them stayed in Texas. Pretty much ALL of my friends here are as progressive as I am. I've unsubscribed from the childhood friends on FB so I don't have to see what they're posting. I'm sorry you lost your friend. I know it's horrible. I've lost one of my very best friends here in CA (to his husband) but not because of politics - because of economic class. He and his partner are in the entertainment industry (not actors) and they make a TON of money. His husband is one of the biggest assholes I've ever known and an almost stereotypical snob. My wonderful, beautiful, and incredibly sweet-hearted friend who I was closer to than anyone ever is gone. I hope you can somehow find some peace....
coeur_de_lion
(3,687 posts)That is sad to lose someone over their relationship.
In an indirect way I think I did too.
Upthevibe
(8,092 posts)someone because of their relationship. I don't even think it was in an indirect way... . And mine either, it was direct, very direct. Fortunately, I have other wonderful friends. I will always miss and love him.... I hope you too are able to find some peace....
coeur_de_lion
(3,687 posts)right back atcha.
smirkymonkey
(63,221 posts)Even when we disagree, it is still so hard to lose someone who has been close to you. My heart goes out to you and your friend. May she rest in peace.
coeur_de_lion
(3,687 posts)Hortensis
(58,785 posts)you guys didn't have another decade to come together again, Coeur.
coeur_de_lion
(3,687 posts)I am sure of it. I just have to believe we'll see each other in the afterlife.
Or be born again to start over.
Hortensis
(58,785 posts)work it through.
I really believe most eventually will, like you and your dear friend would. After all, the more hurtful the division, the less likely it is to get talked over, acknowledged, apologized for. We usually just tacitly, and gladly, agree to leave it behind and move on.
coeur_de_lion
(3,687 posts)in a situation like this.
I'm really thankful for all of you guys.
backtoblue
(11,347 posts)for your friend. I hope she's resting in peace.
coeur_de_lion
(3,687 posts)DUgosh
(3,059 posts)My former bestie blocked me two months ago, we were friends for 44 years. 8 years ago she found her former high school bf on Fb. She left her husband and moved three hundred miles to stalk him and steal him from his wife. She was so full of racist hate and longing I didnt recognize her anymore, she spends her time waiting for her lover glued to Fox News.
coeur_de_lion
(3,687 posts)I can't see my friend stealing a husband but her boyfriend lived far away too.
DUgosh
(3,059 posts)They could have used for good instead of evil
bdamomma
(63,941 posts)it's just very sad.
tRump and Putin's playbook has divided people with their sick ideology.
coeur_de_lion
(3,687 posts)and GOTV.
coeur_de_lion
(3,687 posts)for the GOTV effort in my county. I live in a red county so there will be 3 of us . . .
Just kidding.
This is the best way I know how to fight this thing right now.
Meowmee
(5,164 posts)Im sorry for your loss. I guess one good thing you can say is you had some good times together before she changed for the worse. As for the country Ive given up pretty much, only time will tell if well survive this. The problem is not only 🍊💩 per say, although the fake prez traitor in chief is a disaster, the real problem was already here with a bunch of crazies who agreed with all of this.
coeur_de_lion
(3,687 posts)have been drinking the moron kool-aide.
I want to deprogram them all like they used to do with Moonies.
But imo you dont drink what you dont already have a propensity to believe in the first place.
coeur_de_lion
(3,687 posts)This was in her somehow.
Her Mom was a living saint. A wonderful woman. She would have been rolling in her grave.
Now S is with her and she can straighten her out.
Meowmee
(5,164 posts)When their families did not hold those views. wishing you peace 💕
Raine
(30,541 posts)too many people let love turn into hate over disagreements ... always remember the good times you shared.
coeur_de_lion
(3,687 posts)Maraya1969
(22,509 posts)coeur_de_lion
(3,687 posts)JDC
(10,137 posts)Thanks for the post.
coeur_de_lion
(3,687 posts)samnsara
(17,654 posts)..(((hugs)))
coeur_de_lion
(3,687 posts)Ferrets are Cool
(21,112 posts)he has only exacerbated it by 1000%. The monster was given birth by Raygun and fed by hate, fear and unadulterated racism, it has grown into the monstrosity we are now living with daily.
I'm sorry you lost someone you cared about.
coeur_de_lion
(3,687 posts)Fredo has given the racists freedom to be bigots in public but the racism must have always been there in private.
Ferrets are Cool
(21,112 posts)the poisonous gas from the swamp and now it permeates the USA.
coeur_de_lion
(3,687 posts)it will take to recover our country.
samplegirl
(11,513 posts)So sorry for your great loss.
coeur_de_lion
(3,687 posts)antifash
(18 posts)People pounced on Hillary when she spoke about women voting the way that their husbands and boyfriends told them to vote, but this is a clear example of a woman conforming to her "man's" point of view, and I'm sure it was a widespread phenomena this election cycle. It's not that women are weak minded, it's that we are expected to conform to what a man tells us to do. It's part of the patriarchy, and we HAVE to cast it off!
coeur_de_lion
(3,687 posts)Her husband is a member of NRA and a rabid republican so she is too.
Her one saving grace is she just wishes Fredo would shut the hell up on Twitter.
Last night I exchanged emails with my friend's sister. I asked what happened with the guy who turned my friend into a racist loon.
She tried to get something going with him but he was a bad alcoholic. When they got together they drank too much and it played hell with her diabetes. Plus, he wasn't understanding when it came to her need to eat at regular intervals. It was a toxic relationship so she dumped him. Afterward he drunk dialed her sister for months begging her to help them get back together. Now they are afraid to tell him she's dead for fear of what he will do to himself. He's unemployed and living in a trailer due to his drinking.
Figures. Where I live many of the Fredo supporters are the poorest of the poor and the only thing that sustains them is their hate. Meanwhile Fredo is making sure they stay poor and uneducated.
Response to coeur_de_lion (Reply #94)
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coeur_de_lion
(3,687 posts)Men are too emotional, clearly.
UpInArms
(51,285 posts)Last edited Mon Apr 9, 2018, 10:33 AM - Edit history (1)
And have no way of knowing what their lives are
It has been a time of self discovery for me to know that I can keep the good memories and let the flow of life go on without them.
Hugs to you, dear Lion
🙆🏻?♀️🙆🏻?♀️🙆🏻?♀️
coeur_de_lion
(3,687 posts)Lifelong Protester
(8,421 posts)coeur_de_lion
(3,687 posts)sinkingfeeling
(51,484 posts)undo the damage to the country. At least not in my lifetime.
coeur_de_lion
(3,687 posts)yesterday that we rebuilt after the Civil War, we will rebuild after this.
Made me feel better.
PatrickforO
(14,602 posts)Being fought every day on social media and in newsrooms. Father against son, mother against daughter, siblings against each other, friend against friend.
When we lost the Fairness Doctrine, we opened the door for 'alternative fact' bubbles to be created. Fox, hate-talk radio, Red State and its ilk - We desperately need a 21st Century Fairness Doctrine so we can get it so people are operating from the same set of facts, and so those facts are mostly true.
coeur_de_lion
(3,687 posts)we're fighting the online version of hand to hand combat.
Response to coeur_de_lion (Original post)
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coeur_de_lion
(3,687 posts)niyad
(113,701 posts)coeur_de_lion
(3,687 posts)has helped immeasurably.
You all know how I feel and it trult helps.