Trump Fears Next Election Will Be Decided by Americans (Borowitz)

[Stonepounder]

https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/trump-fears-next-election-will-be-decided-by-americans?mbid=nl_011918%20Borowitz%20Newsletter%20(1)&CNDID=27161810&spMailingID=12778685&spUserID=MTMzMTgyODIwMTg3S0&spJobID=1321749758&spReportId=MTMyMTc0OTc1OAS2

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump is “scared to death” that the 2020 Presidential election will be decided by Americans, an aide to Trump has confirmed.

The aide, who spoke on the condition of anonymity, said that Trump is panicking over a doomsday scenario in which Americans, sidelined during the 2016 election, play a dominant role in influencing the 2020 contest.
“It sounds paranoid, but, as we speak, representatives of the United States are already plotting to remove him from office in 2020,” the aide said. “They are determined to replace him with someone who takes a move favorable view toward their country.”

The aide said that the Americans, frustrated by Trump’s open hostility to the United States since taking office, will “stop at nothing” to achieve their ultimate goal: installing an agent of the U.S. in the Oval Office.“It’s pretty clear what the Americans are up to,” the aide said. “They want a puppet who will do the bidding of the United States of America.”

While Trump has reportedly ordered his staff to do everything in its power to prevent Americans from meddling in the 2020 election, the prospect of U.S. nationals deciding the next Presidential race has clearly left the White House rattled. “Americans are going to use voter registration, social media, and anything else at their disposal to hand the election to someone who will advance their interests,” he said. “That’s what keeps Trump up at night.”

[Wounded Bear]

1. Reality as satire...