The Top 10 Conservative Idiots
(No. 187)
February 21, 2005
Media-ocrity Edition
If
there was any doubt that the fourth estate has completely lost its
way, that doubt was erased last week upon further investigation
into the Jeff Gannon (1) scandal - the Corporate Media (2) have
proven that they're perfectly willing to bow down before the Bush
Administration (4) and cover up anything that looks like it might
not bode well for Our Great Leader. Meanwhile journalistic giants
like Rush Limbaugh (5) are being sent to give us the good news on
Afghanistan. Bah. Elsewhere, Tom Coburn (6) says breast implants
make you healthier, the Department of Health and Human Services
(9) doesn't like gays, and Bill O'Reilly (10) has been caught lying
about lying. Don't forget the key...
Jeff
Gannon
Despite the best efforts of the Corporate Media (more on them in
a moment) the Gannon Scandal kept rolling last week. Since last
week's Idiots, a number of new stories have come to light. First,
it was revealed that Gannon was in fact selling
himself for sex online while he was a member of the White House
press corps. Then it came out that Gannon was actually in the White
House as early as February 28, 2003 - a
month before Talon News even existed, which completely disproves
White House press secretary Scott McClellan's recent
statement that "[Gannon], like anyone else, showed that
he was representing a news organization that published regularly,
and so he was cleared two years ago to receive daily passes, just
like many others are." (Maureen Dowd meanwhile revealed that
White House press passes simply aren't
that easy to come by.)
Gannon himself decided to return to the airwaves, appearing on
CNN's Anderson Cooper 360 to "clarify" some of the earlier
fibs he told, such as this
one to Wolf Blitzer: "...before I came to Washington, I
had registered various domain names for a private client. I was
doing Web site development. Those sites were never hosted. There's
- nothing ever went up on them. And the client went on to do something
else. There's been so much about me on the Internet that people
have, you know, made assumptions about..." During the Anderson
Cooper interview (video
courtesy of Crooks and Liars), Gannon refused
to deny that he'd lied to Wolf Blitzer and portrayed himself
as a victim who'd had his privacy violated (despite the fact that
he was the only person responsible for posting naked pictures of
himself online).
Our Jeff also had an interesting take on "journalism"
when confronted with the fact that he'd plagiarized entire sections
from White House press releases for his reports. "If I am communicating
to my readers exactly what the White House believes on any certain
issue," said Jeff, "that's reporting to them an unvarnished,
unfiltered version of what they believe." Jesus Christ. Meanwhile,
Ari Fleischer revealed
that even he had doubts about Gannon's presence in the White
House.
And with stories coming to light that Gannon was the person who
broke
the news that Mary Mapes was responsible for the CBS documents,
had early
access to the infamous August 6 PDB, may have had four
hours advance knowledge of the bombing of Baghdad, and led
the charge on unfounded accusations that John Kerry had an affair,
we can't help wondering where he was getting his information from.
Finally, Gannon went so far last week as to consider
suing the bloggers who'd reported on this story for "political
assassination." So now you can add frivolous lawsuits to the
growing list of hypocrisies involved in this scandal. Heck, bring
it on, I say. Let's get the whole story out there.
The
Corporate Media
There are two reasons why the Corporate Media is shying away from
the Jeff Gannon scandal. The first is obvious: they're plain scared
of getting scooped by a bunch of bloggers who have nothing but facts
at their fingertips and a willingness to actually ask questions
that people want the answers to. The second reason is more insidious:
the Jeff Gannon story doesn't support "conventional wisdom,"
and if it doesn't support conventional wisdom then the Corporate
Media doesn't want to know.
After all, what would have happened if a fake journalist working
for a fake news organization run by Democrats was discovered asking
questions of Bill Clinton during press briefings? What would have
happened if the fake journalist was later discovered to be a gay
male prostitute? The Corporate Media would have been all over the
story, because "conventional wisdom" is that Clinton's
administration was chock-full of corruption and sleaze. But under
Bush? Why, Our Great Leader returned honor and integrity to the
White House! Surely the great George W. Bush could not be capable
of tolerating this type of shameful behavior!
And so despite the growing evidence that there is a real scandal
here, the Corporate Media have resorted to burying it because it
doesn't fit into their worldview. In fact, so called "media
critics" like Howard Kurtz have bent over backwards to defend
Gannon and the White House from the unwashed hordes, suggesting
that bloggers have gone too far by digging into Gannon's "private"
life. (Kurtz in particular has been inexplicably hostile to liberal
bloggers despite failing to note the rather important point that
Talon News was little more than a GOPUSA blog anyway. On CNN's Reliable
Sources yesterday, the headline under Kurtz's smug face reading
"Online Lynch Mob?" wasn't referring to those organizations.)
Look, when a man is making money by advertising himself for sex
on the Web, it's not his private life - it's his professional life.
And it wasn't bloggers who put Jeff Gannon's porn pics online -
it was Jeff Gannon. He put them there in order to sell himself.
But this is all really missing the point entirely. We still don't
know how Jeff Gannon got such easy access to the White House, and
we still don't know why Scott McClellan lied about it. The whole
thing stinks of organized Bush Administration propaganda, yet the
Corporate Media is trying to downplay the story by turning Gannon
into a victim who had his "privacy" violated.
Don't you think the public deserves to know why a male prostitute
with no journalistic credentials who works for a fake news organization
which is actually a front for Republican activists was given such
easy access to the White House briefing room? Don't you think the
public deserves to know why he was called on so many times?
Don't you think the public deserves to know why the White
House lied about how he was given press corps credentials? Don't
you think the public deserves to know why he was able to
break big stories - favorable to the Bush administration, of course
- before anyone else?
There's a huge story here that exposes the entire shoddy state
of journalism in America today, and the Corporate Media is understandably
terrified of giving it to you.
Free
Republic
On Friday the DC chapter of Free Republic (all three of them) made
plans to rally
outside the White House to show their support for fake-journalist-slash-male-prostitute
Jeff Gannon. According to Freepers the Gannon Scandal is all Bill
Clinton's fault (seriously) and has nothing to do with prostitution,
but is actually a First Amendment issue. It seems that when a journalist
with no credentials who works for a phony news organization decides
of his own accord to resign from the White House press corps because
he's embarrassed over revelations that he was selling his services
as a "top" for $1200 a weekend, it's a serious breach
of the Bill of Rights. What this really means, of course,
is that Freepers are perfectly willing to throw all homosexuals
to the wolves until they find out that the homosexual in question
happens to be one of their own. Then we suddenly get lectured on
how being gay is a private matter. Funny - it's not a private
matter when gays want to join the military, or join a church, or
become a schoolteacher. In those cases a person's sexual
orientation is of the utmost importance to Freepers. Heck, we apparently
need a Constitutional amendment to prevent two gays from entering
into a life-long marriage contract. But when it comes to shilling
for the Bush administration, Free Republic is willing to stand up
and fight for your right to get paid to boink as many dudes as you
like. I'm gagging on the stench of hypocrisy.
The
Bush Administration
But getting back to the state of the media, there's no wonder it's
becoming increasingly difficult to tell the difference between the
Corporate Media and the Bush Administration. When the media aren't
bending over for Bush of their own accord, they're complicit in
passing government-produced "news" items onto the public.
Last week the Bush Administration was warned by the GAO that "the
promotion of government policies through video news releases meant
to look like TV news stories may violate federal rules against propaganda,"
according
to the New York Times. This is related to last year's
government-produced "video news releases" pushing pro-Administration
policies and featuring - you guessed it, fake reporters with fake
names - which were broadcast on many local television stations during
news reports. These segments were broadcast with no indication that
they'd been made by the government. Add this to recent
revelations that the Bush Administration spent almost $250 million
on public relations projects during their first four years - nearly
double that of Bill Clinton's administration during his last four
years - and the fact that the Administration proudly
boasts that "we create our own reality" and one can
only come to the conclusion that, well, we're all fucked.
Rush
Limbaugh
So, while we're still on the subject of the Bush administration
and their payola tricks, let's talk about this
story: "Conservative radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh
is expected to visit Afghanistan with the top U.S. aid official
to spotlight America's aid work there, officials said on Thursday."
That's right - America's most popular propagandist is on his way
to help the US government spread the good news about the benefits
of Middle East occupations. In the words of an unnamed US official,
"It's trying to get people to pay attention to all the good
things we are doing in Afghanistan." Well hell, I'm glad
they got someone like Limbaugh to go. There's a man with
credibility, with gravitas, a man you can trust to tell
you the truth. Actually, wait a second. The fact that they've
asked Limbaugh makes me even less confident that things are
going well in Afghanistan. Was he the only person they could get
to do this? And if not, wouldn't they have been better off with
someone other than a drug addict? Afghanistan is one of the
world's biggest producers of heroin, for goodness sake! Next thing
you know they'll be paying Bill Bennett to do a morals seminar in
Las Vegas.
Tom
Coburn
Okay, this one's a couple of weeks old but I really have to mention
it. New senator Dr. Tom Coburn (R-Obviously) showed
off his vast medical knowledge recently at a meeting on a bill
which would restrict class-action lawsuits. "I immediately thought
about silicone breast implants and the legal wrangling and the class-action
suits off that," he mused. "And I thought I would just share
with you what science says today about silicone breast implants."
Okay Tom - hit us with it! What does science say about silicone
breast implants? "If you have them, you're healthier than if
you don't. That is what the ultimate science shows... In fact, there's
no science that shows that silicone breast implants are detrimental
and in fact, they make you healthier." Really? Well, silicone breast
implants have been banned
in the United States since 1992 because they have a tendency to
rupture and leak toxic silicone into the body. So... I'd be interested
to know where Dr. Tom's "ultimate science" comes from.
Perhaps he should get together with Dr. Bill "I Don't Know
If HIV Can Be Transmitted Through Sweat" Frist and start up
a practice. Coburn & Frist's Medicinal Wonders by Gaslight -
We Cure Everything From Dropsy to Scrofula! Step Right Up!
Alan
Keyes
Talk about a sore loser. Fresh off his disastrous campaign for Senate
in Illinois, Alan Keyes appears to have become somewhat unbalanced.
It was recently revealed
that his 19-year-old daughter - who, it should be noted, put off
going to college so she could work on her father's election campaign,
despite disagreeing with him politically - has been booted out of
the house for being "a liberal queer." Yup, Alan was happy
to accept her help during the campaign but has obviously gotten
fed up with kicking the cat since November and has moved on to family
members. Oh, did I mention he's refused to pay for her college tuition
and has stopped talking to her? What an asshole. Still, at least
Keyes has the nuts to stand up for his ugly beliefs, unlike, say,
the Freepers.
Homeland
Defense Vehicles
Move over Navistar! (See Idiots 171).
There's a new truck in town competing for the King of the Tiny Penises
title, and it's gonna blow you away! Meet the Bad Boy Heavy Muscle
Truck - a 3.5 ton military vehicle soon to be on sale to the American
public. For just $225,000 you can get a truck which, according
to the Associated Press, will "drive through five feet
of water, climb a 60-degree grade, tow six tons and keep rolling
even with a quarter-sized hole in the tire's sidewall." Just
the ticket for dropping the kids off at soccer practice and picking
up some groceries on the way home. But the fun doesn't stop there!
For $750,000 you can pick up the fully loaded "NBC" version, which
- as well as providing an extra fifteen square feet of space for
your Bush/Cheney bumper stickers - can apparently "detect and
block out fallout from nuclear, biological and chemical weapons
by over-pressurizing the cab with filtered, clean air much like
an aircraft." Because as we all know, if there's one thing
that'll stop nuclear radiation dead in its tracks, it's, um... air.
Still, it should come in handy for when Iraq attacks us with all
those weapons of mass destruction Bush told us about.
HHS
The Department of Health and Human Services came under fire last
week for... well, acting like a bunch of idiots. At issue was a
federally-funded conference on suicide prevention - specifically,
suicide prevention in the GLBT community, a community in which the
suicide rate is two to three times higher than average. The conference
was to be titled "Suicide Prevention Among Gay / Lesbian / Bisexual
/ Transgender Individuals," and everything was going according to
plan until HHS stepped in and said that unfortunately the conference
would have to remove the word "Gay" from the title. And
"Lesbian." Oh, and "Bisexual" and "Transgender."
Which leaves "Suicide Prevention Among..." HHS was subsequently
flooded with angry calls and emails from "scores of experts
in mental health," according
to the Washington Post. Despite the retitling of the
conference, an HHS official said that "there is not a department-wide
policy against using terms relating to sexual identity or orientation
at federally funded venue." So, what, they were just being
awkward?
Bill
O'Reilly
And finally, Media Matters has been on a roll lately, and their
constant monitoring of Bill O'Reilly bore comedic fruit last week.
During his show, in a response to a viewer email accusing him of
lying, poor old Bill made the mistake of saying that "No lies
have been told about anyone, including Senator Clinton, and you
can't produce one, madam." Well maybe the viewer couldn't, but Media
Matters could. Like this one, when O'Reilly said that Bill Clinton's
presidential library gives Hillary "access to money because Bill
Clinton's got a checkbook that he can write anything off against
that library he wants." Which is a lie. And this one, when he said,
"Hillary Clinton didn't go to one funeral or one memorial service
of any of the regular folks killed at the World Trade Center, even
though she's a senator of New York." Which is a lie. So just
to clarify, Bill O'Reilly is a great big liar. See you next week!
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